Po Bronson has written an fascinating article on lying in New York Magazine. It is a long, well-researched piece worth reading.

Po has done some interesting research on families and parenting which you can read on his website.

ht: Marko and Ypulse

Today a subscriber to my weekly newsletter let me know how he had recently used two of my free resources in his ministry. It was great to hear his excitement for ministering to adults who minister with student alongside him. (And it was good to hear how Volunteer U has helped someone.)

This morning a dad told me his daughter sent 17,000 text messages last month. Assuming this high school student-athlete slept eight hours each night for 30 days, that would mean she sent one text every two minutes every hour she was awake That is a lot of texting!

Then I read a tragic news story about a father who strangled his 14-year old daughter for texting a boy. My heart goes out to the girl's mother and two sisters, even her father who has a history of emotional issues.

My church cancels all activities on the Wednesday closest to Valentine’s Day for a Father/Daughter Banquet. It is a huge deal. The ladies get dressed up. There are games and entertainment. The gym is full. It sells out every year, and it is something people really anticipate.

With nothing planned for the men who are not fathers of daughters, I decided to grill hamburgers for my small group. I had nine students over. I had a lot of fun, and I think they did as well.

They wanted to play board games, so we divided into 1s (Batmen) and 2s (Robins). First, we played Catch Phrase. Team 1 won. This game is always a lot of fun with a group. Then some guys tried to beat my high score in Pole Position. (So far I am triumphant.) Next, was Ultimate Outburst. (Team 1 won.) This game is really old and hard since most of the answers were from when they were preschool and elementary age. And we ended with a final round of Catch Phrase. (Once again Batmen totally pwned the Robins.)

I want to believe this was all just an innocent accident. A 36-year old juvenile probation officer and part-time wrestling coach resigned his coaching position after biting a wrestler while joking around.

Thunderbolt Aerosystems has announced the release of THUNDERPACK personal propulsion system! Sweet! The jet age has finally arrived. In the official press release, they list defense, disaster relief, border patrol and overcoming snail-paced commutes as potential uses for their jet pack. I'm not sure how they missed the host of youth ministry applications I'm dreaming of right now. Get one before you next retreat or camp for just under $100,000!

A Missouri mom created a fake MySpace profile in order to retaliate against her daughter's former friend. However, this wasn't a case of the digital identity theft so many teens fear. This mom's fake identity was an imaginary boy, "Josh Evans."

After becoming friends online and earning the girl's trust, the mom began posting hateful things about the girl including, "The world would be better off without you." Shortly after reading that message, the girl hung herself.

The phenomenon known as "helicopter parenting" is getting out of control. Parents sitting in on job interviews with their college graduates is bad enough. Parents seeking revenge on behalf of their children for petty teenage quarrels is worse.

Don't think this isn't the first instance of extreme helicopter parenting. Last year, footage of a California father running on the field and tackling a football player after a late hit on his son spread quickly around the internet. And it was just over a decade ago that Wanda Webb Holloway was sentenced to prison for hiring a contract killer in an attempt to get her daughter on a junior high cheerleading squad.

ABCNews.com released a story has released a news item with the headline "Losing Virginity Later Linked to Sexual Problems: Those Who Have Sex Later, Particularly Men, Seem to Experience More Sexual Dysfunction." The browser title is "22-Year Old Virgin? Watch Your Health." This story has also been noted on other news outlets.

The opening paragraph states, "While past research has linked early sexual activity to health problems, a new study suggests that waiting too long to start having sex carries risks of its own." The thing that gets me is the total sensationalism (and thinly veiled agenda) of the piece. You actually have to read what is a quite lengthy article to find these pivotal paragraphs:

"Our results do not allow for casual interpretations," the study authors write.

Rather, they not in the study, there may be factors common to both the delay of sexual activity and the onset of sexual dysfunction -- for example, they write, "[M]en with sexual problems may avoid sexual interactions and consequently start later."

And:

Even though the research stops short of indicating a casual relationship between the age at which one loses his or her virginity and sexual problems they may experience later, [Eli] Coleman [academic chair in sexual health at the University of Minnesota Medical School Program in Human Sexuality] said a number of possible factors could contribute to both of these things.

"From a clinical standpoint, there are often dynamics other than the desire to be abstinent until marriage, such as fear of intimacy, body image problems, alcohol and drug abuse, and sexual dysfunction," he said. He adds that these factors "might influence the delay of sexual debut as a means of avoiding sexual issues."

The related stories linked in a side-bar are: "Why We Do It: 237 Reasons for Sex," "Push for Abstinence Not Stopping Teens," and "Pledging Chastity to Dad: Does It Work?" among others. There are no linked stories, and only a casual mention, of STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Where is the link to a story about cervical cancer being caused by HPV which is primarily transmitted through sexual activity?

Ah, finally! Proof that lockins are bad for teenagers! Check it out: Lack of sleep impairs cognitive development of teens (actually all the way through 21-year olds).

ht: Jeff Moulton via Marko

Today, at my day job, I had 6 computers on my desk (2 iMacs, 2 15-inch MacBook Pros, a 17-inch PowerBook G4 and a 12-inch PowerBook G4). I had something going on all of them--installing software, wiping hard drives, checking emails, copying files, updating software, taking orders, instant messaging, and web surfing all while talking on my iPhone to a friend and mentor about how to get his new iPod touch to access the wireless network at his church. (A coworker walked past and commented that my light-colored wood desk looked like an Apple Store sans iPods.) OK, I'm a geek. I don't share that to brag, but to point out that I was that immersed in technology as an adult! And that can't even begin to scratch the surface of how children and teenagers are comfortable multitasking with technology.

Now think about church. How has it changed since the Reformation or before? So, yeah, the ladies in my mom's Sunday School class are upset that, first, we stopped using hymnals because the lyrics were printed in the bulletin and now, horror of horrors, the words are projected onto screens above the choir members' heads!, but really what has changed? We still have someone upfront--a pastor or Sunday School teacher or whoever--giving insight about God through Scripture. How is this effective in today's culture?

The video below was created by a Kansas State University Introduction to Cultural Anthropology class in Spring 2007. Use it to spark discussion among your volunteer staff about how to effectively reach and disciple students in your ministry.

Today the BBC reported of a Dutch teenager arrested for stealing virtual furniture in the Habbo Hotel online community. A spokesperson for Habbo Hotel's parent company, Sulake said, "It is a theft because the furniture was is paid for with real money."

I am trying to get caught up on the email articles I started writing over the last few months. I am almost there; only two more! While I was working, I was listening to Larry Lessig's talk about intellectual property and user-generated content from the TEDTalks podcast. It is really intriguing!

Well, anyway, one thing leads to another which leads to another (the Internet is not very helpful for those of us with ADD), and I stumbled upon the Marketing Pop Culture blog and found an entry about Nike and how they are "continually curious" organization. I liked this quote:

If you were the head of Nike Basketball, you d*** well better know what's going on in the minds of young basketball players—the music they listen to, their vernacular, how they define success, what they fear, what they dream. The bulk of it is just about getting out there and wandering around. And anybody in the marketing group at Nike was penalized, if not put into early retirement, if they didn't get out there, if they weren't continually curious.

—Noah Kerner and Gene Pressman in
Chasing Cool: Standing Out In Today's Cluttered Marketplace

What a great challenge for those of us in youth ministry! If Nike is willing to go to such lengths to be relevant to teenagers for basketball shoes, how much better should we know our audience for the Gospel?

It isn't about being cool; it is about being relevant. Do you know what is going on in the minds of students in your area? Do you know their music? Their language? How the define success? Their fears? There dreams? You never will sitting behind a desk in your office. Are you out there?

What was supposed to be a simple favor for some parents, turned into a nightmare for school administrators at Arnold Hill School in Nottingham, England. For her son's 16th birthday, a mom cleared a "gorilla gram" singing telegram with school officials. However, a mixup at the singing telegram agency resulted in a stripper being sent in place of the gorilla. The performance lasted for several minutes before a shocked teacher ended the dance.

We would all like to think we would stop the performance sooner than the teacher did. However, the shock of something really inappropriate will slow your reaction time. Protect yourself when allowing out-of-the-ordinary programming at your events. Think through possible scenarios and build in a buffer. For example, a parent who wants a singing telegram to serenade her son, ask the mom to meet the performer outside and to escort the performer into the room where you are meeting. A little precaution can save you a lot of headache.

CNN's Nichole Lapin has a blog, Young People Who Rock. It is a weekly interview with remarkable people under 30. On October 22, she featured Worth the Wait, an abstinence-promoting organization for young people in their 20s. I thought it was an interesting piece for CNN to cover. So, I checked it out.

Worth the Wait goes beyond True Love Waits. TLW stops with teenagers making a commitment to purity. WTW provides a social outlet for people committed to purity. Also, WTW provides marketing through T-shirts and modeling in an attempt to make abstinence the "in thing" in our culture.

And maybe that is happening. FoxNews even reports that Victoria's Secret and Maybeline supermodel Adriana Lima is a self-confessed virgin. (OK, so maybe she is committed to chastity, not purity. But it is a baby step in the right direction. And, no because Adriana is a one-man woman doesn't mean that it is fine to look at her Victoria's Secret shots!)

I just think it is cool that beyond making a statement about sexual choices, WTW is attempting to change the tide of culture.

I bookmarked this to share last week and almost forgot . . .

Dallas' FOX 4 reports that City Hall has begun a campaign to encourage teens not to practice the fashion habit of "sagging" with a series of billboards. I guess since the ACLU associates decency laws against sagging with racial profiling, the City Council decided to fight fire with fire.

On Friday, I was in Dallas for the world premiere of Mac OS X 10.5 "Leopard," but I didn't notice any of the billboards. Although someone in line with me was sagging so low had there been a fire, he would have run out of his pants. (Ha!) Seriously, it would have been more decent had he just been in his boxers without the jeans. I guess he hasn't seen the billboards either.

Wow! I can't believe it has been three months since I last blogged. Horrible, absolutely horrible!

Things were pretty busy at work during August and September. In addition to our usual busyness, we were short staffed. You gotta love that!

Immediately after the hype of See You at the Pole™, I spent a weekend in East Texas with an incredible group of youth workers from Denman Avenue in Lufkin. We hung out at a home on Lake Nacogdoches talking about the future of youth ministry, how to relationally disciple students outside the church, and find time and ways to hang out with teenagers. It was a great weekend! Keith, the youth pastor, and the students within Denman's ministry area are blessed to have this group in their corner.

The next few weeks was spent cleaning up the office and the records (It is amazing to me how many people don't know not to click the "Submit" button more than once on an e-commerce web site.) before spending the weekend at my youth ministry's fall camp. We call it Mystery Camp since we do not tell the students where we are going.

Finally, I had a few days off which I spent with some friends in Mississippi. They have a new baby and were content just being at home. It was nice to wake up, eat some breakfast before taking a morning nap. Then waking up, eating some lunch, before taking an afternoon nap. Finally, waking up eating dinner before watching some TV or a movie and going to bed early. (Finally, a vacation I did not need a vacation to recover from!)

The past week, I have been feverishly making updates to this website and reconnecting with students I had missed seeing while I was gone.

Now things have calmed down quite a bit, and I intend to get back into the habit of blogging regularly.

Woohoo! If you work in a church in the midwest, it could be easier for you to find volunteers for your ministry according to a study done by the Corporation for National and Community Service, a federal agency. The Volunteering in America study found that cities in the central United States (Minneapolis, Minn., Austin, Texas, and Omaha, Neb. were three of the top five cities) had higher rates of volunteerism than cities on the East or West Coasts.

According to the report, four factors contribute to higher volunteer rates:

1. Short work commutes, thus providing more time for volunteering.
2. Attachment to the community through home ownership.
3. High education levels which increase civic commitment.
4. Existence of more non-profit organizations which in turn provides more opportunities for service.

If you live in the Midwest, I hope you are encouraged by the fact that people are more likely to volunteer where you live. And if you live on the East or West Coast, take heart in that there are fewer places outside the church for people to utilize their volunteer time.

Good news for youth pastors in the United States: Teen Sexual Activity Dropped between 1991 and 2005.

True Love Waits began in 1994 and Silver Ring Thing in 1995 along with many other local abstinence education programs in schools. Interesting that the article doesn't mention any of these as contributing factors.

Use this article at your next volunteer training to encourage longevity in ministry.

Graduation is tonight for most of the students in our ministry. We have seven high schools represented in our ministry, but the overwhelming majority (at this point) come from BHS.

BHS Graduation is a huge family affair. Everywhere else I have lived senior parents have hosted "Project Graduation" to reduce underage drinking and drunk driving by recent graduates; BHS seniors have "Project Celebration" after the Senior Prom.

It is interesting to me how the traditions are flip-flopped. Most places I know, parents host a "midnight breakfast" after prom for their children and dates and their group of friends. Then the Senior parents host "Project Graduation" after commencement.

It can take a while to become accustomed to the traditions of a new place. When I moved here I couldn't believe our youth pastor didn't attend any graduations. But no one seemed to notice because it is such a family-oriented event. Our new youth pastor was sure he should go to the BHS Graduation his first year here. I told him that he shouldn't and didn't need to go, and all he could say to me was, "Nooo. That will never go over." Finally, a parent convinced him not to go when she said, "If you go to BHS graduation, but not my son's graduation because only a few of our students go to his school, I would be mad. Just don't go to any graduation."

Being the Apple aficionado that I am, one of the blogs I read is Guy Kawasaki's "How to Change the World." It is mostly about technology, venture capital for startups and marketing, but he was the first Mac Evangelist hired by Apple in the early 80s to promote the then-in-development Macintosh. Yesterday, he posted an interview with Anatasia Goodstein of YPulse. It is a good read. In addition to her blog, she has written a book, Totally Wired, about the digital habits of teens.

Check all three out.

I have been thinking about spiritual gifts lately. A few weeks ago, I found some of my small group guys in our room before small groups. (I know that shouldn't be too odd, but there were donuts in the Student Worship Center.) I was nervous when I asked, "What are you doing in here?" I was still nervous when they replied, "We're having a Bible study." As mind raced, "Great! Someone just got a new The Message Bible and they are reading Song of Solomon," they continued, "We are talking about spiritual gifts. You know, like, speaking in tongues."

I've been working with students long enough to know that any talk about spiritual gifts usually centers around the "manifestation" gifts in 1 Corinthians 12 while not noticing the "motivational" gifts in Romans 12 or the "ministry" gifts in Ephesians 4.

I had a great discussion with my students about spiritual gifting. Randall asked me what my spiritual gifts were. I told him teaching, administration and helps.

Four days later I am sitting in a restaurant working on a different entry in this blog when a guy approaches me asking to use my computer to look up a movie listing. So I let him look up his movie listing. He goes back to his table when the lady seated behind me asks if I can help her unset the alarm on her cell phone--it was going off at 5 a.m. every day (LOL). I showed her how to set and unset the alarm. From the restaurant, I picked my mom up from the airport. As we enter a parking garage a lady walks directly to me like I am an Airport Ambassador or something and asks how to get to "Garage B." I showed her which walkway to take.

And this isn't first time something like this has happened. I had a connecting flight at Bush Intercontinental Airport-Houston one day. First, a Chinese lady stopped me, out of all the people getting off of my plane, to get directions to her gate. She was not a newly immigrated Chinese-American, she was on her way back to China, and she didn't speak English. She pointed from her boarding pass to the sign hanging from the ceiling to get my help. I walked her to her gate. She only expressed herself to me through motions and gestures; she never spoke a word, but she was thankful. Finally, I arrived at my gate, I sat down and was approached by a Mexican guy who spoke some English. He asked, "Do you have a (made a motion like he was writing)?" Although I do not speak a word of Chinese, I do know a little Spanish. (¡Gracias! Sra. Viento.) I said, "¿La pluma?" to which is nodded, and I handed him my pen. The gate area full of other people. Why did he ask me?

I know one of my spiritual gifts is helps, and taking time to think through this makes my encounters with these strangers seem like more than coincidence, but how can I use my experience so my small group guys discover and use their spiritual gifts?

The divorce rate in the United States it at its lowest point since 1970 according to an Associated Press article released today. The article states that "relationships are as unstable as ever--and divorces are down because more couple live together without marrying."

So, do you know the relationship status of your volunteers? I know of a couple who were living together and volunteering in the Children's Ministry of their church. No one ever asked if they were married; it was just assumed since they had a child together. Their non-marriage was discovered one day by a secretary who was copying some legal documents for them. They were asked to resign from their volunteer responsibilities until their home life could line up with a Biblical standard. Eventually, the relationship fell apart ending in a breakup (not a divorce).

With more and more people choosing to live together and not marrying, what are you doing to ensure your volunteers are modeling a standard of Biblical sexuality?

[Updated 11:52 p.m.--Changed title from "Cohabitation"]

There is one student in my small group who "polishes" my head every time he sees me. Without fail, he will come up behind me, "huff" on the top of my head, then rub it with the sleeve of his shirt. I don't particularly find this enjoyable, but I am amused at the painstaking consistency of the whole thing.

You have to love the (sometimes frustrating) things teenagers do. The Los Angeles Times reports of Southern California teenagers gluing the doors of their school shut. No real vandalism, it doesn't appear the locks were ruined and had to be replaced, but the start of school was delayed.

You gotta love working with teenagers!

4/22 UPDATE: I was at a friend's house Sunday evening, when I left I found that some girls in our ministry had seen my truck parked in the driveway and shoe polished "I (heart) Henry!", and "BIG HEN" on the windows.

CompUSA is closing about half of their stores* in the next few months, and as they say, "Everything must go!" I went looking for some tech bargains, but they are only up to 30% off. Most of their flat screen TVs are already gone. : (

However, they are also selling their fixtures. Most retail fixtures aren't suitable for youth ministry, but CompUSA has some that would make cool registration desks. Another great find was snap-frame poster stands that hold 22" x 28" posters on both sides for $44† (at our local store). I bought one of those to donate to our youth ministry. It will work great to advertise upcoming events.

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*If you don't know where your local CompUSA store is, don't bother looking on their website. They removed the soon-to-be closed stores from their store finder the day they announced the closings.

†You may think $44 is a lot of money for a poster stand, but we just bought some similar wall-mount frames to place outside our small group rooms. A one-sided 8.5" x 11" frame is $35 (or more), so I think two 22" x 28" frames mounted on a stand for $44 is a bargain.

It is a basic skill every youth ministry volunteer learns: Use names. Never say, "Hey, you!" to a teenager when you can call them by name. And a Student Pastor worth anything would never send a letter to a guest that starts out "Dear Guest." So why does it happen with our volunteers?

A few months ago, I received an email from our Student Pastor which began "Hello Awesome Small Group Leaders!" On the same day I received a letter from Donald Trump (Yes, that Donald Trump.) which began "Dear Henry." The weird thing is, I don't know Donald Trump, yet he "knows" my name, but not only does my Student Pastor know me and spend hours with me every week, he doesn't "know" my name.

The technology is available to personalize emails and letters. You can export names from your church's database and have Microsoft Word merge them into a letter and print envelopes or labels. Also, there is add-on software available for Microsoft Outlook and Apple Mail which will merge an email with names in your address book to produce personalize emails. (See Email Address Manger for Microsoft Outlook and Serial Mail for Apple Mail. Note: This is not an endorsement of either product.)

This may all seem ridiculous to you, but for years the church has struggled with making mass mailings seem personal. Christian cartoonist and minister Doug Dillard was inspired to draw many things he saw happen in the church. One of these events was the Church Secretary asking the Pastor to sign the original letter (actually it was a "stencil") before she made copies to send out to the church membership. The Pastor's response, "No, use the rubber stamp. It is so much more personal."

And our Student Pastor finally "knows" my name. I got a mass email a few minutes ago that began "Hello Henry."